let it be known, cairo and its numerous agents that have tried for 2 months to break down my immune system have finally succeeded...thus, if you didn't get that convoluted sentence, i have a cold...but not just any cold, a BAD cold, with no nyquil to be seen for kilometers (haha, take that MILES, you've been replaced)...deprive me of nyquil and throw dust and exhaust in my face and we have a seriously defeated american immune system on our hands...but i shall bounce back, as if any of you were worried (perhaps i am being a bit dramatic, but don't judge, you can't see my suffering)
anyway, i didn't have any incredible or life-threatening experiences this weekend (aside from this cold) however i have decided to treat a serious issue that plagues cairo like the english language plagues meester bush (oops, i've been trying not to wear my opinions on my sleeve, but whatever, i can't help it sometimes)...and that issue ladies and gentlepeople is one i have mentioned many-a-time before now...that's right, the sure-to-be death of Todd...
traffic
i know what you're saying, "Todd, don't be a wuss, just use the cross walks, wear bright colors, and look both ways. Everything you learned from your parents and elementary school!" HA! you all are so logical, but you must trust that i tried that...let's just say if the Traffic and Road Laws of the United States were implemented in Cairo for a brief period of 2 days, every individual would either be in jail or have so many fines they would be selling their kidneys...i kid you not...
"But Todd, Surely they have traffic lights?" Well, faithful readers and fanatics, they do indeed have traffic lights, but the colors they display have about as much bearing on drivers as the DARE program had on most drug-dealers...in other words, they are meaningless, they may as well be lavendar, turquoise, and blue...the only way people will stop is if a police man runs into the road, whistling and flailing, and they slam on their breaks, giving the intersecting road their own free-for-all...
"Okay Todd, but surely the lanes restrict the movement of cars?!"...Another novel idea, but just as idealistic. Indeed there are lanes painted on the roads, but they are also meaningless. We would be better off if they painted paw prints, fairies, heiroglyphics, and melting clocks on the pavement, perhaps those would distract drivers enough to slow them down at least.
"Alright Todd, but the pedestrains surely have the right-of way, right?" I WISH, my fellow americans, but as a rule pedestrians are little more than obstacles on the enormous obstacle course that is cairo. In my first few days here, i learned that cars really will HIT YOU, whether its a warning shot with a mirror or a full fledged plow, they will get you. And if they don't, a little delivery scooter will, damaging your pride even further. I have been fortunate enough to avoid all the aforementioned scenarios so far, but 3 more months is a long time to keep that up...cross your fingers for me...
Multiply this pandomonium with the millions of cubic tons of exhaust fumes that fill cairo's skyline everyday, and you have yourself a regular old catastrophe, complete with risks of lung disease, cancers, and perhaps some STDs are floating around in those fumes (unlikely i know, but you never can bee TOO careful)...toss in the fact that speed limits are fairly non-existent (for example, my bus on the way to hurghada for scuba diving was clocked at over 100 KPH...in the mountains...at night...in the wrong lane sometimes...coulda been worse i guess) and we have ourselves one large egytpian shindig of metal, pollution and people...how amazing...
i will add that last week i saw a jeep, sitting in the middle of a very busy road in tahrir sqaure, all 4 doors open, no one inside...now, i am no traffic or logistics expert, but something tells me that that car presented some sort of hazard...as if we didn't have enough...
anyway, i must be off, seeing as this post is reaching the 81st page milestone (is he serious?) and you are all bored so i id you all farewell, but not before my signature food for thought section...
1. this section has no point
2. i broke down, i bought a big mac yesterday...it was amazing, no regrets...not yet at least
3. cab drivers are simultaneously the coolest and most awful people in cairo, what's the deal?
4. soon the temperature will be consistently over 100 degrees...buddah help us all
5. i have blossomed into one heck of a chef over here...however, i am limited to dishes that include pasta and...well that pretty much does it...
6. last but not least, if a frog had a back pocket, would it carry a gun? burning questions...
ma'a salama
todd
Monday, March 19, 2007
Sunday, March 11, 2007
s.c.u.b.a. like you mean it...
i did it...i conquered the sea...and 'by conquered the sea' i mean i made my first 4 scuba dives without suffocating or tangling with a shark/squid hybrid...my room mates, myself and some other pals (terrible english sentence structure, i know) headed to the city of hurghada on the red sea for the weekend to complete 4 dives and receive our scuba certification and it was incredible weekend...most importantly though, for the first time in my life, i have been sunburned in march, something that most indivduals wouldn't be excited about, but i am not most individuals i suppose...but i am getting ahead of myself...
so we boarded a bus at approx 19:00 (7:00 p.m. for my american readers), a bus that, at first glance, looked deceivingly confortable and luxurious, but i soon learned not to judge a bus by its mercedes logo and large windows, but rather the amount of legroom and lack of cockroaches...after sitting down, i noticed the seat in front of me digging deeply into my knees...moments later, some dude sits in the aforementioned seat and leans it all the way back, thus welding my knees permenantly with the seatback...then and there i knew this would be a ride i'd never forget...this was the first and (hopefully) the last time that i ever wished i couldn't feel my legs...so we start moving and i convince myself things aren't so bad, only a 6 hour bus ride with my knees welded and my headrest being too short to support my neck...no problem...but overall, the ride was only mildly hell-like, 6 hours flew by in what seemed to be exactly 6 hours (sarcasm), as i counted every minute on the digital clock that was laughing at me the whole way there...however, it was complete with a loud arabic language movie that i didn't get, and a stop at the smelliest bathroom in excistence (how smelly you're asking? smelly enough for my friend stan to comment that "my pee actually made that bathroom smell better) but we arrived in hurghada at apprx 3 am, got to our hotel and crashed, as we had to rise at 7 a.m. for our first dives...
i awoke surprisngly rested, and we headed toward the red sea...i was immediately blown away, i have never seen clearer water in my life (as i have been confined to the murky waters of silver lake and the atlantic ocean until now) and the sun was shining, 86 degrees in march was the best early birthday gift ever...and i was prepared to show the sea a thing or two about diving...so i did.
for any of you that know me, and i mean KNOW me, as in know me better than "i went to middle school with him and see him twice a year", you probably know i love everything about the ocean (ok, yea it was the red sea, not the ocean, you get the picture, don't ruin my story)...the sand, the water, the sunburn, and the prospect of shark attacks or the lesser glorified squid attacks (an obsession promoted by my love for national geographic)...so, naturally i was in heaven, and i felt like some sort of couch-expert after watching countless hours of shark week and When Good Scuba Goes Bad (that show doesn't exist, merely an example to indicate that i'm an expert)...i went with my usual wise decision of not wearing sunscreen except on my face...and ironically, the only place i got burned was on my face...explain that one...
the dives were incredible...who would have thought that the ocean contains so many fish?...unfortunately we had to spend much of our first few dives reviewing vital skills that would ensure we didn't die...this includes proper acsent/descent (to avoid the bends), hovering, and equalizing (so your brain doesn't come out of your ears)...regardless of our time wasted while training, it was such a trip breathing underwater...i figure now that i have conquered the ocean, the only frontier left for me is outerspace...Todd the Astronaut has a nice ring to it, plus i know you would all be proud to say you know an astronaut...but i digress...
the reefs were gorgeous, the fish were friendly, nemo was all over the place, and i saw some cool ray that had baby-blue spots which may have been the coolest/fascinating thing i have ever seen (moreso than seeing my room mate chris do the dishes, sorry ace)...the city of hurghada is beauitful, with one major drawback, half of the buildings aren't completed, a fact that me and my scubamates struggled to figure out...but the buildings that were completed were gorgeous...we even went out one night to a club called Calypso (a club renowned for its 'Russian ladies'...seriously, look in lonely planet), but it was a bust so we headed to Club Havana, and a 20 minute, shady cab ride later, we arrived...this club had the interesting theme of socialist revolution and cuban things (including but not limited to stencil paintings of che guevara, cuban flags, and a bronze statue of what i think was supposed to be fidel castro)...interesting considering that egypt's closest ally is (arguably) the united states, a country who's controversial embargo on cuba has drawn criticism for decades...but these people didn't care about embargos this night, they just wanted to dance, and dance they did...however, as we soon found out, it was also a hotspot for what appeared to be european hookers...i'm serious...and no i didn't confirm it by asking "are you hookers?" (cuz if i woulda tried, they probably wouldn't have spoken english, so i relied on my superior skills of observation)...i mean, if you saw a gorgeous twenty-something woman meet an awkward 40-ish male (who danced worse than me when intoxicated), then leave with that same man 5 minutes later after a few moments of the most awkwardly choreographed dance i've ever witnessed, you too would be a believer...but again, don't take my word for it
anyway, i am way off topic now and i apoligize for the incredible length of this post, but it was an amazing weekend in one of the most beautiful places i've ever been...SCUBA (an acronym for Self Contained Underwater Breathing AWESOMENESS) will certainly be a hobby of mine for a long time to come...i leave you with a few thought for you to digest...
1. i look very odd and awkward in a wet suit, not cool or sexy like most surfers manage in movie films...maybe i got the wrong size...
2. either SNORKS (cartoon ripoff of the smurfs, but instead they live underwater) are good at hiding, or they aren't real to begin with...someone is lying
3. i didn't see any sharks which was disappointing, but mark my words, i will find them
4. next time, i will take an airplane...those buses are the creations of satan
5. for this trip my pictures will be able to show you more than i ever could thru this long-winded blog
until next time, much african love...
todd
so we boarded a bus at approx 19:00 (7:00 p.m. for my american readers), a bus that, at first glance, looked deceivingly confortable and luxurious, but i soon learned not to judge a bus by its mercedes logo and large windows, but rather the amount of legroom and lack of cockroaches...after sitting down, i noticed the seat in front of me digging deeply into my knees...moments later, some dude sits in the aforementioned seat and leans it all the way back, thus welding my knees permenantly with the seatback...then and there i knew this would be a ride i'd never forget...this was the first and (hopefully) the last time that i ever wished i couldn't feel my legs...so we start moving and i convince myself things aren't so bad, only a 6 hour bus ride with my knees welded and my headrest being too short to support my neck...no problem...but overall, the ride was only mildly hell-like, 6 hours flew by in what seemed to be exactly 6 hours (sarcasm), as i counted every minute on the digital clock that was laughing at me the whole way there...however, it was complete with a loud arabic language movie that i didn't get, and a stop at the smelliest bathroom in excistence (how smelly you're asking? smelly enough for my friend stan to comment that "my pee actually made that bathroom smell better) but we arrived in hurghada at apprx 3 am, got to our hotel and crashed, as we had to rise at 7 a.m. for our first dives...
i awoke surprisngly rested, and we headed toward the red sea...i was immediately blown away, i have never seen clearer water in my life (as i have been confined to the murky waters of silver lake and the atlantic ocean until now) and the sun was shining, 86 degrees in march was the best early birthday gift ever...and i was prepared to show the sea a thing or two about diving...so i did.
for any of you that know me, and i mean KNOW me, as in know me better than "i went to middle school with him and see him twice a year", you probably know i love everything about the ocean (ok, yea it was the red sea, not the ocean, you get the picture, don't ruin my story)...the sand, the water, the sunburn, and the prospect of shark attacks or the lesser glorified squid attacks (an obsession promoted by my love for national geographic)...so, naturally i was in heaven, and i felt like some sort of couch-expert after watching countless hours of shark week and When Good Scuba Goes Bad (that show doesn't exist, merely an example to indicate that i'm an expert)...i went with my usual wise decision of not wearing sunscreen except on my face...and ironically, the only place i got burned was on my face...explain that one...
the dives were incredible...who would have thought that the ocean contains so many fish?...unfortunately we had to spend much of our first few dives reviewing vital skills that would ensure we didn't die...this includes proper acsent/descent (to avoid the bends), hovering, and equalizing (so your brain doesn't come out of your ears)...regardless of our time wasted while training, it was such a trip breathing underwater...i figure now that i have conquered the ocean, the only frontier left for me is outerspace...Todd the Astronaut has a nice ring to it, plus i know you would all be proud to say you know an astronaut...but i digress...
the reefs were gorgeous, the fish were friendly, nemo was all over the place, and i saw some cool ray that had baby-blue spots which may have been the coolest/fascinating thing i have ever seen (moreso than seeing my room mate chris do the dishes, sorry ace)...the city of hurghada is beauitful, with one major drawback, half of the buildings aren't completed, a fact that me and my scubamates struggled to figure out...but the buildings that were completed were gorgeous...we even went out one night to a club called Calypso (a club renowned for its 'Russian ladies'...seriously, look in lonely planet), but it was a bust so we headed to Club Havana, and a 20 minute, shady cab ride later, we arrived...this club had the interesting theme of socialist revolution and cuban things (including but not limited to stencil paintings of che guevara, cuban flags, and a bronze statue of what i think was supposed to be fidel castro)...interesting considering that egypt's closest ally is (arguably) the united states, a country who's controversial embargo on cuba has drawn criticism for decades...but these people didn't care about embargos this night, they just wanted to dance, and dance they did...however, as we soon found out, it was also a hotspot for what appeared to be european hookers...i'm serious...and no i didn't confirm it by asking "are you hookers?" (cuz if i woulda tried, they probably wouldn't have spoken english, so i relied on my superior skills of observation)...i mean, if you saw a gorgeous twenty-something woman meet an awkward 40-ish male (who danced worse than me when intoxicated), then leave with that same man 5 minutes later after a few moments of the most awkwardly choreographed dance i've ever witnessed, you too would be a believer...but again, don't take my word for it
anyway, i am way off topic now and i apoligize for the incredible length of this post, but it was an amazing weekend in one of the most beautiful places i've ever been...SCUBA (an acronym for Self Contained Underwater Breathing AWESOMENESS) will certainly be a hobby of mine for a long time to come...i leave you with a few thought for you to digest...
1. i look very odd and awkward in a wet suit, not cool or sexy like most surfers manage in movie films...maybe i got the wrong size...
2. either SNORKS (cartoon ripoff of the smurfs, but instead they live underwater) are good at hiding, or they aren't real to begin with...someone is lying
3. i didn't see any sharks which was disappointing, but mark my words, i will find them
4. next time, i will take an airplane...those buses are the creations of satan
5. for this trip my pictures will be able to show you more than i ever could thru this long-winded blog
until next time, much african love...
todd
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