what's a 7 letter word for "todd's demise"?

let it be known, cairo and its numerous agents that have tried for 2 months to break down my immune system have finally succeeded...thus, if you didn't get that convoluted sentence, i have a cold...but not just any cold, a BAD cold, with no nyquil to be seen for kilometers (haha, take that MILES, you've been replaced)...deprive me of nyquil and throw dust and exhaust in my face and we have a seriously defeated american immune system on our hands...but i shall bounce back, as if any of you were worried (perhaps i am being a bit dramatic, but don't judge, you can't see my suffering)

anyway, i didn't have any incredible or life-threatening experiences this weekend (aside from this cold) however i have decided to treat a serious issue that plagues cairo like the english language plagues meester bush (oops, i've been trying not to wear my opinions on my sleeve, but whatever, i can't help it sometimes)...and that issue ladies and gentlepeople is one i have mentioned many-a-time before now...that's right, the sure-to-be death of Todd...

traffic

i know what you're saying, "Todd, don't be a wuss, just use the cross walks, wear bright colors, and look both ways. Everything you learned from your parents and elementary school!" HA! you all are so logical, but you must trust that i tried that...let's just say if the Traffic and Road Laws of the United States were implemented in Cairo for a brief period of 2 days, every individual would either be in jail or have so many fines they would be selling their kidneys...i kid you not...

"But Todd, Surely they have traffic lights?" Well, faithful readers and fanatics, they do indeed have traffic lights, but the colors they display have about as much bearing on drivers as the DARE program had on most drug-dealers...in other words, they are meaningless, they may as well be lavendar, turquoise, and blue...the only way people will stop is if a police man runs into the road, whistling and flailing, and they slam on their breaks, giving the intersecting road their own free-for-all...

"Okay Todd, but surely the lanes restrict the movement of cars?!"...Another novel idea, but just as idealistic. Indeed there are lanes painted on the roads, but they are also meaningless. We would be better off if they painted paw prints, fairies, heiroglyphics, and melting clocks on the pavement, perhaps those would distract drivers enough to slow them down at least.

"Alright Todd, but the pedestrains surely have the right-of way, right?" I WISH, my fellow americans, but as a rule pedestrians are little more than obstacles on the enormous obstacle course that is cairo. In my first few days here, i learned that cars really will HIT YOU, whether its a warning shot with a mirror or a full fledged plow, they will get you. And if they don't, a little delivery scooter will, damaging your pride even further. I have been fortunate enough to avoid all the aforementioned scenarios so far, but 3 more months is a long time to keep that up...cross your fingers for me...

Multiply this pandomonium with the millions of cubic tons of exhaust fumes that fill cairo's skyline everyday, and you have yourself a regular old catastrophe, complete with risks of lung disease, cancers, and perhaps some STDs are floating around in those fumes (unlikely i know, but you never can bee TOO careful)...toss in the fact that speed limits are fairly non-existent (for example, my bus on the way to hurghada for scuba diving was clocked at over 100 KPH...in the mountains...at night...in the wrong lane sometimes...coulda been worse i guess) and we have ourselves one large egytpian shindig of metal, pollution and people...how amazing...

i will add that last week i saw a jeep, sitting in the middle of a very busy road in tahrir sqaure, all 4 doors open, no one inside...now, i am no traffic or logistics expert, but something tells me that that car presented some sort of hazard...as if we didn't have enough...

anyway, i must be off, seeing as this post is reaching the 81st page milestone (is he serious?) and you are all bored so i id you all farewell, but not before my signature food for thought section...

1. this section has no point
2. i broke down, i bought a big mac yesterday...it was amazing, no regrets...not yet at least
3. cab drivers are simultaneously the coolest and most awful people in cairo, what's the deal?
4. soon the temperature will be consistently over 100 degrees...buddah help us all
5. i have blossomed into one heck of a chef over here...however, i am limited to dishes that include pasta and...well that pretty much does it...
6. last but not least, if a frog had a back pocket, would it carry a gun? burning questions...

ma'a salama

todd