let me count the ways...

for those of you who knows me fairly well, or at least have spent a decent amount of time with me, it is no secret that i have some serious issues with the great country known as the United States. in many ways, the the things the country has come to stand for are quite the opposite of every belief i hold in my little bleeding liberal heart...rampant materialism, nuts foreign policy, unabashed egos etc. however, i have lived abroad for about 3 months now, and while i love experiencing new cultures and people, there is are just some things that the united states does undeniably well. so no, i am not writing to bash the U.S. today (perhaps later) but rather to write about the things i truly miss about our troubled, yet fantastic, country...so here we go...

obviously, first and foremost, my family and friends are greatly missed, which should seem evident by my nearly constant emails, facebook messages and skype calls...but what can i say? you guys are fantastic and i can't wait to see you again...sentiment aside, my real list begins...

1. washing machines/dryers/dishwashers: there is something about doing laundry in the bathtub and then hanging it on a line that will make you wish you had a nice washer/dryer set fresh from sears. seriously, there is nothing worse the putting on my shirts with stretched necks, crunchy jeans, and sorry-excuse for socks...not to mention, nothing gets clean (i mean REALLY clean)...the water is always brown/grey and terribly gross after i wash a load, and let's just say i can't wait to do some laundry in june! also, washing your dishes by hand sucks, but our kitchen barely fits a sink and a fridge, much less a dishwasher...oh well

2. large, convenient stores: i gaurentee you all underestimate how nice large, all-inclusive stores like target are. your "one-stop shop" if you will. however, in egypt if my list of things i need includes chicken, vegetables, aspirin, and deodorant i must make at least 2 separate trips, because apparently deodorant or aspirin have no place in grocery stores, but rather completely separate stores in different parts of the city. chalk it up to me being lazy and spoiled, but whatever. oh and i almost forgot, this country doesn't really sell men's deodorant...well, except for the one stick thats like 8 bucks and obviously 13 years old...so luckily my room mate had an extra stick, or let's just say my next 2 months would have been unpleasantly sweaty and smelly

3. BEST BUY: again, seems ridiculous, i know, but i love everything about best buy...nothing makes me feel better than buying a new cd and enjoying it (even i don't enjoy the cd, it is still thrilling!). however, there simply is no space for such a store. you can count on me going on a serious CD binge when i return home though

4. functional elevators: granted, elevators aren't a huge part of my life back home, but here they are a daily encounter that could end your life (seriously). its a good day if our elevator works, a great day if it arrives in under 8 minutes after pushing the button, and the best day if it takes you to the correct floor. i mean just the other day, our elevator stopped halfway between floors, giving us a 3 foot space to jump through, and at any time it could have resumed motion...harrowing is the only way i can describe the experience...i have a new found hatred for elevators

5. traffic laws: see previous posts

6. domestic animals: i understand city life is not meant for cats and dogs...not to mention most animals are considered unclean to Islam, thus pets aren't exactly welcome, but this country would be much happier if they all had dogs. if you have a dog, you know what i mean. if you don't have a dog, i doubt you're even a human...cats are okay, but their biggest downfall is that they aren't dogs, which they may never acheive

7. cable television: i try not to watch too much TV (i'd much rather play video games, duh) but i can't live without national geographic, discovery channel, and the occassional court tv. in egypt, tv consists of awkward and confusing ads (like people who lose their cars after eating at KFC?), awful and canceled american shows (except drew carey and scrubs), and AK-47 tossing contests...i'm serious, there are entire shows devoted to men throwing guns up in the air like batons, its not only weird, but it is also kind of awful...you must watch to understand

8. driving: i love my car and i love to drive (but not without loud music)...however, driving here would mean certain death for me...so i will just have to wait

9. mail service: i know most people hate getting bills in the mail, but here its worse. the bill collectors come to your door, ask for money for whatever bill, and sit their while you scrounge up the necessary Pounds. its not only awkward, but we have all come to hate our damn doorbell (which is a bird chirp, of all things...so scary and creepy, especially when im cooking and standing right next to the damn speaker)...anyway, we have bills for trash collection, gas, electricity, rent, and water, all of which a different dude collects at an undetermined time during the month...10 pounds for 'rubbish', 50 for electricity...it adds up...plus they never speak english so we stand their for like 12 minutes wondering what the hell is going on...at any rate, it sucks and my body has been conditioned to silently scream whenever the doorbell rings...

10. SHOWERS: yes, i do shower here daily, but my shower is a joke...no curtain, no stationary showerhead...it basically consists of a shower head that you have to hold and a tub and the hot water lasts all of 4 minutes (literally)...so this is a typical shower...get wet as quickly as possible, turn off water, lather up, turn on water and rinse, enjoying maybe one minute of warmth, dry off, clean up immense amounts of water of the floor since there isn't a curtain...repeat daily...i never knew showers could be full body work outs, but holding a shower head certainly takes most the relaxation out of showering...i miss my bathroom...

so that's my top 10 list...granted i still love egypt, i merely miss a few of the conveniences we enjoy as privleged americans. however, there are certainly some things i don't miss...
1. unpredictable weather: cairo is consistently hot, which i love...ohio, you suck at weather, N.C. you're slightly better
2. expensive prices: i live like an unimportant member of a royal family over here
3. george bush: need i go on?

anyway, that's all for now, nothing significant has occured lately so i figured i'd write something random, as much for me to look back on as for you to enjoy...kenya is in 3 days though, so expect some writings on that! i leave you with my food for thought...

1. i still can't figure out why no one here sells men's deodorant?
2. i've lived here 3 months and haven't seen even half of cairo, THAT'S how big it is...
3. the beef here tastes weird, regardless of how i cook it
4. every store here delivers...grocers, food, beer...you name it, it can be at your doorstep before you can say "i am getting fatter and lazier by the hour"
5. this post consisted almost entirely of seperate lists...

farewell for now

fii ammaanillah (in the safety of god)

todd